I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
