if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
