i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
