Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
