Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
