the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
