She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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