Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
