I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
