But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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