Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
