battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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