goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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