farters have to be the big spoon...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
