I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
