We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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