if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
