the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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