Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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