Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
