Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
