I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
