yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
