Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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