Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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