she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
