I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Couch. On fire.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
