I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
