Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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