Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
