I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize