do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
