I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Even my vagina gasped.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
