I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Congratulations! We have a period
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