I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
