I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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