She is in my trunk
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
