Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
