You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
