Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
