She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
