She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
