I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
