So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
