I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize