does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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