If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
we're so committed to being not committed
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize