no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize