Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You can't just leave with hair like that
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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