Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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