i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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