I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
