from now on my penis is your penis
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He did a backflip because drugs
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize