is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
