hotel room ftw
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Randomize
