guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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