what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
