Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
