Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
