He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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