Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
