last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
not ubering you a puppy
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
