And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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