she was so not down for the gang bang
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Semen is not good for contacts.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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